Monday, March 9, 2009

life lesson #1: you are in control of more things than you realize or acknowledge

hello, blog readers,

i have no shoot to share, no pictures to post, no promo to..well, promote. 

i was getting the feeling to write in my new journal of the year (which was bought in jan. and never written in, yet) and wanting to write because the last couple weeks have been so stressful. the idea of buying the journal and start journaling again (i have been journaling since 3rd grade when i received my first diary, all with a heart key and lock!). my goal was to....(drum roll) WRITE THE STORY OF MY LIFE...starting from right now. the idea was to leave something behind for my son(s); yes, i believe i will have all sons. i wanted them to know the journey that i am experiencing, just trying to "have" them. i guess the reason why i haven't written in it yet is that because i write so much about what's going on in my lil' head here on my blog. my blog is almost like my journal. almost. (i tried to videotape myself...but that was a little nerve wracking, talking to myself)

today, i'm feeling hopeful. with a dash of melancholy. 

today i wanted to blog, but i didn't have anything photography related to say. but i wanted to get out what i wanted to say....which is that...

there is hope. 

oh...and faith. 

my father and uncle are both recovering from their medical scares of the last 6 weeks. thank you, God! it's so good to see them both smiling and laughing, and walking without a cane or walker in a long time. recovering well...knock on wood.

my health is hopefully turning over a new leaf. since sat., i have been better about remembering to take my diabetes meds and check my blood sugars. the doctor told me that she will start me on insulin shots in two weeks. i am nervous. not about the needles, although that was my initial reaction, but more about what this means to my health. this is definitely going to slow me down and change my lifestyle. the only thing i can do is stay positive, and do what's best for me. doc says that she still discourages us from conceiving right now, until my blood sugar is stable, and i'm healthier. i am looking forward to june, when i see her, and report that i have managed and controlled this disease, and that i am at least 10% lighter. the doctor said to cut out parts of my busy schedule. at first i was like, no way!! i LOVE my business! i LOVE my clients and i love what i do for them. no way am i going to sacrifice something that makes me genuinely happy. but i  know what she means. i need to make time to take care of myself so that i can do the things that make me happy.

thank you to those that have chimed in and given me encouragement. j. says that he wants me to be healthy first, before even thinking about having babies. babies or not, he says that he wants me to be healthy and live long, and grow old with him. i have to remember that i am in control of more things than i realize or acknowledge. i guess this is part of the journey.

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