Sunday, January 18, 2009

wake up call

remember the post that i said i needed to take care of me this year? well, after this weekend, that means more than just an empty resolution. i think i aged a year or two from a recent medical scare.

today i went to the hospital because the night before, out of the blue, the back of my head was throbbing. i felt like someone was hitting my head with a bat over and over again. the pain was excruciating to me because i didn't want to do anything but hold my head between my hands. i felt like my head was going to burst. after the encouragement (and scare tactics and worst case scenarios) of my brother, i decided to go to the hospital first thing in the morning, if the headache didn't go away. now, blog readers, i normally don't get headaches, except for hangover headaches if i'm not careful (but that's another post, another day), so i did think the benefit of the doubt that maybe, maybe i was overreacting because i had never felt a "real" headache before. i don't take headache medicine, only when i have a fever. so i don't have anything to compare it to. for instance, last summer, i experienced heartburn for the first time. i've never had heartburn, so i thought i was dying. literally. i literally felt like passing out. i didn't know if it was heartburn or cramps (which i've never had before, either...i know,  i know, not looking forward to child labor, folks). so in short, i'm a big baby. but my brother reminded me that we've known many people that have died or hospitalized with aneurysms, so that was enough to scare me straight to the hospital. 

we got to the hospital, and waited for hours, of course. people entering with limps, bandaged limbs (and a toe), wheelchairs, shivering under blankets and hoodies, and there' 

"what is the reason for your visit?" the clerk asks.
 "i have a...headache." i think she was trying not to roll her eyes. so i tried to explain:

"this is a different headache, a very rare headache that simply needs special medical attention, because i'm not a headache person, and this headache brought me to tears, and...and...i don't really stress..well, i mean, people tell me not to stress, and ...well, i do have blood pressure meds, but i have to tell you the truth i don't take it all the time..not because i don't want to, it's just that i sometimes forget, blah blah blah."

at this time i realize i'm wasting this lady's time. she doesn't want to hear my sob stories. i quickly shut up and wait. and wait. and then...wait some more. and then, re-enact my dialogue with the nurse, as she starts to take my vitals, and learns very quickly that in less than 5 minutes of my rant, that i haven't been taking care of myself, not eating right, not taking my meds like i should, that i don't even know the name of the medication that i'm on (i quickly pointed to the computer screen and said it's all in 'there').

then, i saw the doctor, and she was this cool lookin' rocker chick. i started to rant again, and she knew that she needed to quickly control this conversation. j., my husband, was there, and she asked him, 

"did you notice anything out of the ordinary when she first had this headache?"
 j. said, "no, she was just walking into the street, i'm thinking she's going to get hit by a car. she seemed like she was just walking around, not knowing where she was, and refusing to follow me to the car, and she just kept on saying her head hurts and she started crying..." 

oh yeah...j., that's me, being normal. hello? this doctor must think i'm a crazy, drama queen, if this is normal?! tell her i'm NOT normally like this! help me out here!

so, long story short...i know this is already longer than it should, they ran a CT scan for good measure, and found no evidence of ruptured blood vessels in my brain. hallelujah! the doctor said that i should be taking my blood pressure meds, like i should, and to.....relax

i really can't believe something like this is caused by stress. i wasn't in a stressful environment. i was at a family party, having a great time, singing and laughing. i really don't know what triggered it. but anyhoo, it was a scare, nonetheless. i don't want to ever be in that predicament or worse again. so i need to be better about taking care of myself. 

j. and i talked about it, and we both believe that trying to conceive a baby is probably not the best time right now. we both really need to take care of our health, before this baby comes. so, i'm going to work on relaxing, and not taking on too much. that will be a challenge. but if it's for my health, it's a serious "must do." as i was trolling the streets last night, as j. described it to the doctor, all i kept thinking was, i don't want to die. there's too many things i want to do. i don't ever want to think that again. i don't want to think that there's too many things i haven't done. 

so, blog readers, make a commitment to put your Self back on your to-do list. you're worth it. (and you don't want to go through this crazy situation, like i did!)

and that's my 2 cents

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