best week of your life

so i just finished watching Oprah last night, and she talked about her recent weight gain, and how she's going to address it this year. i know some people are Oprah-haters out there, (my brother) saying she's wealthy and famous, she can buy the body she wants or she can afford a trainer/chef, but watching the episode made me think, it's not about the fame and the fortune, a personal trainer/chef (although it helps). those things, as much as we non-celebrity status people might think, will not make us happy or joyful (and in Oprah's case, not even skinny!). i know this Christmas, i thought to myself, i wish i had money to buy gifts. i wish we had a Christmas tree. i wish we had money to fix our 2nd car. i wish we had enough money to go on trip for our wedding anniversary. i wish i could do something to make my parents' health better. but i had to stop myself  before i started feeling sorry for myself, and ask: am i happy? the immediate answer would be, yes because i'm grateful for the things i DO have and the people who are in my life. but the deeper question: could i be happier? yes. and i guess that's when i had an Oprah moment, or she likes to say, an "a-ha" moment.

i'm not happy with my health. in her interview, she talked about "putting yourself back on the list." this to me spoke more to me than the cliché, "love yourself." but essentially, loving yourself means taking care of yourself. i have to admit, i haven't been taking care of myself the last two years. the last two years, i moved away from my single life (my apartment), got married, bought a home twenty two miles away from work and family, and opened up my business. my strategy for dealing with change, was to just "get through life"- ie., get through school, get through deadlines, get through this meeting, get through traffic, get through the day. my idea was to "once i get through it..then i can relax and do something for myself." in other words, putting myself last. i started to care more about taking care of my clients, students, work, and truly forgot about me. this is what it is to live unconsciously. i have to say the only time i actually feel like i'm in the moment and truly present is when i'm photographing. my saving grace. at times, my only joy came from photography and other people's joyful moments.

now, after two years later, i've gained forty pounds, been diagnosed for diabetes and pre-hypertension, and have essentially, given up the time i used to spend taking care of myself (i.e., exercising, cooking, spending time with friends, nail salon days, hair appointments, writing, reading, shopping!). two years flew by. i used to be so healthy. what happened? i joke to j., my husband, that "marriage" happened. i never had all these problems before i got married. but that's not true. j. and i have been through everything with each other----over a span of almost fourteen years now. i know that there has just been a lot of change in my life, unexpected change, and have not coped with the change in a healthy way.

this year, in addition to my resolutions (what i like to call "goals" instead), is to put myself back on my list. make appointments for myself. learn to say "no" more often than i actually do. i know that it will make me a better person. a better worker. a better friend. a better wife. a healthier person. heck, maybe even a better photographer.

so "goal" update for 2009:

1. attend one social network event a month.

2. cook one new recipe a month.

3. walk the dog 30 minutes a day.

4. do something for myself, at least 30 minutes in the morning, and 30 minutes at the end of the day (unrelated to work and off the computer!)

i wish for everyone else to have a year filled with more joyful moments, and more love for your SELF. it's never too late to put you back on your list.

and that's my 2 cents.

p.s.

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