Tuesday, April 7, 2009

life lesson #3: most fears are in your head (i mean, MY head)

had my first insulin appointment today. well, it was a training on how to inject myself with insulin. if you've read enough of these posts, you know that i'm the biggest scaredy cat/biggest baby when it comes to any type of discomfort. that discomfort translates to pain with me. i think it all started with my oral surgeon and his mission to pull my wisdom teeth with hardly any anesthesia and a jackhammer.please read this post to update you on my phobia of dentists, needles, and the hospital, in general.

anyway, i woke up, with courage, and a positive outlook, knowing that i would have to be injecting a 2 inch needle in me. j. went to my appointment with me, assuring me that it was going to be ok. well, more like giving me the "coach pep talk," like "don't be a baby," and " it's no big deal" kind of motivational talk. nope. didn't work. but i kept thinking, it's for your own health, possibly for your own baby. God willing. 

so the training went ok. we watched a video, and then the nurse showed us how to prepare the syringe and inject the site (aka, my belly). the good thing was that i didn't have to inject it right then and there. the pharmacist ordered me to have one dose, before bedtime. the bad thing was, was that all day i was thinking about that syringe. this skinny, long needle, to be poked into me at an approximate 90 degree angle. it didn't help that j. kept making these pokes to my stomach, with a closed fist, like he was an ER doctor, injecting a dose of adrenaline. not encouraging. 

right after watching "Dancing with the Stars," j. suggested i inject the insulin now, before he goes to sleep. he agreed to do it for the first couple times, until i was used to it, and ready to inject myself. he looked nervous, too. not good. i said, "let's wait until after we watch Heroes, yeah?" he looked at me, seeing right through my stalling tactics, but let me watch my favorite t.v. show, anyway. 

soon it was over. we prepared the syringe, just like the nurse taught us. reading and rereading the directions. i started to get more nervous, and could feel the tears come, but i held back, because well...i felt so dumb crying about something that i have to do. everyday. for a while. i decided to not think anymore, and trust in j. to do it correctly. i trusted the nurses when they told me that it wasn't going to hurt as much as my daily blood sugar finger pricking. i took a deep breath.

j. told me to lay down on the sofa, and relax. popo, my 2 year old chihuahua, immediately jumped on my stomach. j. scolded him and popo quickly jumped off, with me, feeling myself, let go, and thinking, "it's all in your head." i lay there, looking at the t.v., not remembering what i was watching. anticipating the pinch of the needle. i squeezed a section of my abdomen, and closed my eyes. i peered my eyes open, waiting for j. to just "do it already," and he had already walked to the kitchen to dispose of the syringe. he had already injected me. i felt like i had run a marathon and won the gold medal (well, without the sore muscles and achy feet). i was so proud of myself for going through it. then, i felt dumb for worrying about that stupid needle all day. maybe there's hope for me, yet.

so, if you know someone that's going through this, rest assured, take it from me, i wouldn't lie about it. injecting insulin is not as painful as  you might think. i'm glad that i made the right decision for me, taking care of my health, and possibly for my future baby (God willing).

here's a pic of my beloved popo. the apple of my eye....the cutest dog ever (who is also receiving his shot tomorrow...shhhhhhh, it's our secret!)

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